Sunday, November 29, 2009

Super Mario Bros. Wii.

This game is probably one of the best games to come out this year. I fucking love Mario, he seriously can’t do wrong. Within the past year Nintendo have released Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mario Kart Wii, and now this. But with this game Mario has gone back to basics with new and old elements from other side scrolling Mario games such as Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World and Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. New Super Mario Bros did offer this before hand on the Nintendo DS, but now it is offered on a console, which is always better. I grew up with these games. Nintendo basically taught me how to read. I remember when my brother and I were bought Super Mario All-Stars and I can honestly sathat I played and raped it for nearly a year as it offered all the Mario games from the Nintendo Entertainment System that was a generation behind us. I consider myself as an old skool gamer because I know a lot of people who only really got into gaming with consoles like the Playstation and N64, while I started in the 16-Bit era. Playstation and now even the Xbox can be considered better these days, but for people who loved and played Nintendo games, they just get a sense of loyalty for Nintendo.

As usual, you run and jump your way through eight worlds while stomping on enemies, going down pipes and collecting power ups. Power ups have always been a big part of the Mario games and they have really paid attention to it with power ups such as the Ice Flower that is just like the Fire Flower but you shoot ice balls that freeze your enemies rather than fire balls; Penguin Suit that lets you shoot ice balls, improves your swimming ability, as well as walk steadily and slide on ice; and the Propeller Mushroom that is arguably the most useful power up in the game as it lets you fly up in the air and slowly land while avoiding many obstacles. Two power ups that I sorely miss and I think at least one should have been included are the Raccoon Suit and the Boot from Super Mario Bros. 3.

The Raccoon suit was a improvement from the Leaf that gave you raccoon ears and a tail that let you fly for a short amount of time when you ran fast enough. But with the suit if you held down the jump/run (I can’t remember which one) button while ducking Mario would turn into a statue for a short amount of time while letting enemies walk past him. Not much of an improvement but I just love seeing Mario in that suit. And the Boot that was only available in one level (why?) that let Mario hop along on anything and stomp on anything. Nothing could pierce through the sole of the Boot. Expect lava I assume as the level the Boot was available on didn’t have any.

Multiplayer is a big aspect of this game, letting you play with four people on the same screen, which is rare for a side scrolling game. However, it relies on a lot of team work as players can obstruct each other. Furthermore, you cannot help the urge but to compete and kill each other. You will find yourself and others running towards the goal while making the screen push players down holes and squashing them into walls; collecting power ups that other players needed more; and picking up players and throwing them into holes and spikes. The game offers unlimited continues so it isn’t all that bad.

I do have some criticism about that game however. First is the controller. The game suggests you to use the Wii remote at its side, forcing your thumb at a horizontal position. It is less awkward with the old style of controls used to the other side scrolling games. Like the Super Nintendo Entertainment System controller for example.

It is hard to explain but it is just easier to have your thumb at that angle while you hold down and run button with the tip of your thumb and press the jump button with the joint. It feels more comfortable. You are better off using the nunchuck for virtual controller. My other criticism is the difficulty. It is too easy to complete (excluding full completion such as collecting all the star coin and getting to the alternative goals), unless you are a total noob. I got a maximum of ninety-nine lives by level five. If you get ninety-nine by the way Mario doesn’t wear his hat.

That is all I have to say about the game without giving too much away. If you are not actually that interested in games and Mario this could have been a waste of time for you. You should have just gone and fucked yourself instead.

For my next post, I’m hoping to include a new episode of The New Adventure of Jesus Christ. This one I am hoping to be a lot better as I am taking time with my animation and editing. It also has a script so there is more effort put into it. I was planning to have it done just before Christmas but it may take longer. So I leave you with a link to Tom’s Fan Club that has defiantly been updated this time. Just check his Brand New Super Adventures.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pipe Smoking.

But first, a picture of Jim Branning from Eastenders having a stroke.

One of the better paint portraits I have created. Maybe I could take my laptop to Covent Garden and draw pictures of people for a few bob. That’s if they don’t mind sitting there for half an hour or more. Depending on how wrinkled their face is. No oldies, it would slow down business.

Now to the main subject, and that is that I have recently decided that pipe smoking is so un-cool that it is actually cool, like Jarvis Cocker. So I’m going to try and bring it back into fashion, and hopefully not fail where I have in the past with yo-yo’s, jiving and chewing a cocktail sick while not playing a card game.

Here are modern historical figures smoking their pipes, the father of modern physics Albert Einstein and the second General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and paranoid arsehole Joseph Stalin. Einstein can be considered cool, in some geeky novelty way I guess. And communism is cool even though it hardly ever works in the long run and can be quite outers. During my A-Levels I done an independent study on how important Lenin was during the Russian Revolution and found out that Stalin was quite committed to the cause. He robbed banks to fund the cause and spend some time in Siberia. However, he did kill more people than Hitler.

If you are interested in this soon to be hip hobby, then you will need to follow these instructions.

1.Get yourself a Pipe.

I got mine from some shitty stall at Dagenham Heathway for about £6 about over a year ago. You could get a nice one from a proper tobacconist that fuck that cause it is like £20. I was thinking of buying a new one off of ebay as my pipe has gotten quite grotty. I saw some going for under a fiver which seems quite reasonable.

2.The Tobacco.

You can get specific tobacco for pipes but I find Golden Virginia to be acceptable. A pipe connoisseur would most likely disagree. And remember, you must fluff the tobacco when placing it in the blow as it will burn better. I think.


You should use matches but you have to be a pro to get it fully alight. Just use a lighter. Screw it, it’s not like you want to get properly committed.

4.Smoking it.

Remember to not inhale too slowly as this will result in relighting it. Just take your time looking cool.

There are a number of drawbacks to having a pipe and that is cleaning it as they sink once you use it enough times. You will also start to taste ash in the stem. You will have to clean it regularly. recommend the following, but I will give my alternatives.

  • Tapered Pipe Cleaners-Those shitty pipe cleaners from shops.
  • Bristle Pipe Cleaners-Above.
  • Regular or extra fluffy pipe cleaners-Yeah them.
  • Pipe sweetener or grain alcohol-Cheap gin.
  • Shank brush or cotton swab-Cotton swab.
  • Pipe reamer-?
  • Pipe tool or pick-Cocktail stick (do not chew after picking).

Now you are ready to take up the pipe. I suspect over 50% of smokers to have one by the New Year. Not really! About 20%.

Stay tuned for another whacky post.


P.S. Thom’s Fan Club hasn’t been updated right at this moment, but it will by tomorrow.

P.P.S. I don't know why the font for the bullet points is different. Don't worry about it.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Tom’s New and Improved Website is BACK!

It is about time that I update my blog. I was planning to over the summer but I had a lot of shit going down. Such as travelling across Europe and finishing some overdue essays. I also had some other projects in mind but couldn’t be bothered. I am now though. However, before I write an official entry I got word from my friend Tom to edit his piczo site again and there was no way I was passing that opportunity.

If you are unaware of Tom’s New and Improved Website, I will give you the low down. Tom is a self absorbing ego maniac who lives in Gidea Park with Handy Andy from Changing Rooms, who he found hibernating in his next door neighbours garden, who is the musician and music maverick Beck. Tom has been on many adventures such as the time he helped out Girls Aloud; saving many lives from an escaped crocodile at the zoo; giving one of his many kidneys to Handy Andy in his time of need; curing the common cold; starting a Sunday League team with a bunch of South American children with Handy Andy; and making many music collaborations with Beck and the Pet Shop Boys. Tom has the uncanny ability to make the exact same facial expression in all his pictures. He also has been sporting the exact same haircut for donkey’s years.



Thursday, May 21, 2009

Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! Walkthrough.

Sorry for not updating for a long while but you know how it is when you are not in a blogging mood. It is easy to start a blog but just as easy to lose interest. However I’m back now and will produce another number of posts.

This post will be about one of the greatest games on the Nintendo Entertainment System, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! And I found a website where you can play it for free. It was quite easy to find a site to play it actually. You can find loads through Google, but this is my most preferred.!!/big-game.php

WARNING!!! Don’t use the save function on this link as it tends to make the game slow down and jump. It did for me on Firefox anyway. Plus you shouldn’t be a cheating bastard.

The plot to this game is that you play as Little Mac from the Bronx who wants to make his way through the ranks of boxing by beating opponents that are all bigger than him in order to fight Mike Tyson, with help from his trainer Doc Louis. I say help. During fights he mostly gives you boxing clich├ęs such as “Stick and move, stick and move!” and “One two, one two punch Mac!” which is why I will write a walkthrough for you in order to succeed in this game. Anyone who is familiar with YTMND will recognise Doc when he is riding a bike between circuits.

The Controls
• Z and X make Mac do a left and right stomach punch.
• If you hold the UP ARROW KEY while punching Mac does a face punch.
• LEFT and RIGHT ARROW KEY makes Mac dodge from left to right.
• DOWN ARROW KEY makes Mac block. If you double tap it Mac ducks.
• ENTER is your select button, when the game says “PUSH START” you press ENTER. However during a fight it makes Mac do a super punch (when you have a star) that inflicts more damage.

Important Notes
• Each fight is three rounds long. You can win by decision when you earn a certain amount of points. However, there are a few opponents that you cannot beat by decision. This includes the Championship fights, King Hippo and Mr Sandman.
• If you press the SPACE BAR in between rounds Doc Louis will start to rub Mac’s shoulder and give him a health boost. However the amount of health is random, so sometimes you can gain a lot of health or hardly any at all. If you press it before the fight Mac will lose health. But why would you want to do that, unless you want more of a challenge.
• You can only hold three stars in your Star Meter in the top left hand corner, which are given for certain punches when the opponent isn’t stunned.
• Your Heart Meter, next to the Star Meter, is Mac’s energy. It goes down when you have been punched or if your punch has been blocked. If it goes down to zero Mac will turn pink and start panting. Mac can’t punch during this phrase so the only option is to dodge punches until he regains his energy. When Mac is like this the opponent normally starts to go mental at Mac. Amount of energy varies on the opponent.
• When doing super punches in the later matches I suggest doing one in the last opportunity of punches in a combo after a dodge, as later opponents are capable of avoiding or countering them.

Now, in the words of Ant and Dec...LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!

Glass Joe

Macs first opponent is an absolute joke of a boxer, as you can tell by his record. If you don’t beat him (with my instructions which I should even give to you because he is such a spas) I will have no respect for you as a gamer. Just punch him in the area he isn’t blocking while he stands there doing nothing. He can be quite annoying as he blocks a lot and can drain Macs heart. Eventually he will back off and taunt you and go back in and deliver the slowest hook in the world. It is actually quite off putting as it is so slow you will probably dodge too early. He will now start to throw some punches by doing more hooks and the odd jab, but they are slow and telegraphed so just dodge and punch. If you punch him now while he just stands there you may receive some stars to perform super punches, which he never dodges. For a easy win, when he is making his way back after taunting Mac, punch him in the stomach and he will go straight down. Lastly, look at his face during his introduction. It is as if he is having a stroke. All them loses have really damaged his head. No wonder he is so fucking shit.

Von Kaiser

If you have got this far well done, you are not a complete noob. Noob is getting put in the dictionary by the way, but back to Punch Out. Von Kaiser is more of an aggressive fighter than Glass Joe but still really easy and is quicker to knockdown. He will telegraph his punch by flashing and twitching his moustache. Later in the fight he just flashes. Just dodge and punch. Eventually he will try an uppercut, but like Glass Joe’s it is slow. He will duck down and flash, dodge and punch again and he will just stand there with his mouth open taking the punches like a bitch. Seriously you can get loads of punches in. The best aspect of this fight is when you perform a super punch when he is stunned and his mouth just starts to go mental. Straight enough, this is the only opponent that ducks.

Piston Honda

Minor Circuit Champion and is the first challenge of the game. He will start with shuffling his feet and will eventually punch when he twitches his eyebrows and flashes. Dodge and punch him in the face a few times. You can’t just punch him while he stands like with Glass Joe and Von Kaiser, this bloke knows how to block. However you can punch him in the stomach when he twitches his eyebrows for a star. After a few of them he will try some hooks and uppercuts. They are easy to dodge and when you do, punch him in the stomach rather than the face as you get more hits. Soon enough he will back off and start hopping side to side and go back in and do a lot of straight punches. These can be devastating as he will throw quite a lot. Your only option is to block these until he stops. To KO him straight away, like Glass Joe, punch him in the stomach when he comes back from hopping about like pounce.

Don Flamenco

This fight is even easier than Glass Joe. But Don isn’t as shit as Glass Joe as you meet him again and he is so fucking.....well, let us wait till we get there. Anyway, Don will do some shit dance and when you start the fight he will just stand there taunting you. If you do nothing he will do it for the rest of the fight, seriously. The only way to win this is to punch him, which he blocks, and right after he will go for an uppercut. His uppercut is faster than the other opponents so far, but he will flash to telegraph it, just be ready to dodge and start going mental at his face. When he gets back up after being knocked down he will go straight away for another uppercut to try and surprise you. If you follow these instructions he is normally down for the count after you knock him down twice, but sometimes he can get up after about three or four. Other than that it should be easy to TKO him and you should gain enough points to win by decision, which is 5000.

King Hippo

This is the only fight where Doc Louis gives you decent advice. He eventually tells you to punch King Hippo in the mouth. You need to punch him in the face when he holds up his arm and opens his mouth. His shorts will drop and you just have to start punching him in the stomach. Repeat until you knock him down and he will never get up. Never! However he has another punch where he just slightly lifts his arm and all you can do is dodge or block it. He has no pattern to these punches so be careful and quick because his punches are powerful.

Great Tiger

When I first played this game this is the bloke who I had a hard time beating. He will first throw some straights, but you can tell when the jewel on his turban starts to flash, dodge and punch him in the face. After a few of them he will do some uppercuts. Like Von Kaiser he will duck down and deliver them. However if you do a stomach punch in the direction he is ducking you will get a star. Get three stars then punch him in the face three times and do a super punch. When you have knocked him down two times he will go for his special move. This is where Great Tiger becomes an utter cunt. He will back off and do a magic dance then travel at a ridiculous speed around the ring while trying to punch you. The only way to get through it is to block around 5 of them in a row. He will punch straight after the sound, which is roughly over about half a second. If you don’t he will just keep on punching. Just remember: BOOOO, BLOCK, BOOOO, BLOCK, BOOOO, BLOCK, BOOOO, BLOCK! There is a rhythm to it. When you have blocked enough in a row he will get really dizzy and just stand there and all you have to do is punch him once in the face and he is down. You can only beat Great Tiger by TKO and decision, which you need 10,000 points for. It is necessary to get use to his special move as he always uses it in his time of need.

Bald Bull

This bloke is BEAR massive. Look at him. How the hell do you beat him I hear you say? Well, he will first rotate his fists, when he does this, dodge as he will go for a jab and when you do punch him in the face (you can only punch him in the face). Soon he will do some hooks. He will telegraph this by moving his hands up and down. Do the same as before but this time you can punch him in the face three times. Have you noticed how your opponents don’t flash anymore? It gets a lot harder from here. Soon enough he will go for his special move, the Bull Charge. He will move to the far end of the ring, bob up and down a bit, and then charge at you with a punch that can knock you down straight away. You could dodge it but he just lines up for another one. Like with other opponents (you guessed it) you have to punch him in the stomach just before he punches you, and like his punch, you will get a straight knockdown. It is quite hard to get use to timing this. The trick is to not to do it too early. And you have to get use to this because like Great Tiger you can’t win by knockout. Furthermore, because it is a championship match you can’t win by decision so you have to go for the TKO. Lastly Bald Bull might do some uppercuts after some hooks, which he ducks down for, but he is very fast with them. If you get hit by one get ready to dodge another as he normally does one straight after.

Piston Honda (Second)
He is back, and he has gotten more defensive and annoying. Like before he will twitch his eyebrows and throw a jab, but this time he throws three in a row. If you are quick enough to dodge you can punch him in the face after his jab. Later in the match if you do this you will get a star for it. However, keep in mind if you do punch him after the jab he won’t jab a third time but go for an uppercut. This can be off putting as it is slower. After the jabs he will do two uppercuts at the same speed but no flash, and there is no need to do stomach punches like before, you get the same amount for stomach and face, which is four. And also like before he will back off from you and eventually come back and throw loads of straights at you. He won’t hop about this time, he will back off and go straight in so be ready. Like before you can knock him out straight away, but sometimes if your timing is slightly off you can hit him and just get a star instead of him falling on the mat. The star doesn’t matter as you are bound to get hit when he is wailing at you. Just keep on trying until you eventually get him. It is easy to win this one by decision as well.

Soda Popinski

This fight is all about endurance and timing as this guy is tough. He will start off with two hooks that he telegraphs by getting his left arm ready. He is a southpaw which means he is left handed. You can dodge it and get three punches in the face (like Bald Bull you can only punch him in the face), but you can punch him in the face as he gets ready for it and receive a star. He will do another one after. After that he will normally go for two uppercuts that he ducks for and are very quick. You can normally get six punches in the face when you dodge and punch it. Before you knock him down he varies between the two but mostly goes for the hooks. During the match he may go for a quick jab with his right that is hard to avoid so just take it. Rarely but mostly when you are out of energy he will shuffle his feet and delivery three jabs in a row. It is easy to avoid all three and punch him in the face for a few more after the third jab. When it comes to round two and every knock down (including your own) after that, Soda will always start with an uppercut with his left and then with his right so be ready to dodge straight away. He will repeat the left right uppercuts again but will only do the pattern once in the middle of the fight. These are followed by hooks. You will have trouble with him but you will get use to it. I certainly did after abut twenty tries. And yes! He was originally called Vodka Popinski but it was changed to Soda to be more family friendly. The most over used Punch Out fact EVER!

Bald Bull (Second)
If you are use to the face him he isn’t actually that hard. Once again you can’t beat Bald Bull by knock out but you can beat him by decision. If you have 7000 points by the third round and he is just repeating the Bull Charge you might as well just keep on dodging it until the bell. Unless you are confident in hitting him of course, and it is a lot easier to this time. Be sure to dodge his first charge because for his second he will back up half way. It is easier to hit him in the stomach this way as you go for it as soon as he charges. Other than that he starts off with rotating his fists and going for faster jabs again followed by the hooks, but watch out for the uppercuts. This time he will mostly start moving his fists up and down. Punch him in the face when he does this for a free star as you can only knock down Bald Bull this time with super punches and countering his Bull Charge. Lastly when you punch and he blocks he will punch back straight away.

Don Flamenco (Second)
As I was going to say, he is so fucking frustrating the second time. This time he will start to attack by stepping back and doing a jab. Dodge and punch for the face. He will go for some uppercuts as well after about maybe three of them so stay focused. Don’t start punching him waiting for his counter punch as he can dodge it from getting ready for his uppercut that has devastating results. After enough of that he will do his old technique and taunt at you waiting for a punch. Now you can do it. But this time he won’t always strike back, this is when he dodges and his head leans to the left. When his head stays in the centre he will go for the uppercut so dodge and go for the kill. This will drain your hearts but when you are out of energy he will always go for the uppercuts. Keep on doing this until he goes back to the jabs. Just repeat this. You need to knock him out about four times to win by decision. You should be able to knock him out in the third round or possibly get a TKO in the second.

Mr Sandman

This guy is so tough it is ridiculous. I haven’t even beaten him yet. And you thought I was the Punch Out expert, but you were wrong. However I will guide you to the best of my knowledge. Just like Bald Bull he will start with rotating his fists and deliver a faster straight. He will also punch when he blocks one of your punches. He will telegraph his hooks the same way but like the jabs they are faster. He can be a bit off putting as he mixes between left and right, including his jabs. When you do counter his hooks punch him in the face once and then start working on his stomach. This is the only way you can beat Mr Sandman, once in the face and the rest in the stomach. When there is a long pause this is when he will deliver his three uppercuts. He is so fast with them I don’t know when to move. If you manage to dodge the first one, which you have to dodge left for, dodge to the right straight away then to the left again. Punch once in the face and you can get loads of hits in the stomach. If you beat Mr Sandman you are a proper old skool gamer. Not that I’m not. I’m better with platform games.

Fuck the World Champion Super Macho Man. If you get to him you don’t need my help. I’m going straight for Mike Tyson with this code: 007 373 5963.

First Attempt: Got TKO’ed in 33 seconds.

Second: TKO’ed 55 seconds (progress).

Third: TKO’ed 36 seconds (shit).

Fourth: TKO’ed 1 minute 4 seconds (His one hit uppercuts don’t stick to the same time pattern).

Fifth: TKO’ed 31 seconds (FUCK IT).

I have gotten bored of this game anyway.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Brum is a Bastard.

Who remembers Brum? You know, that little yellow brummy car with the eyes for headlights, and he would sneak out of that old geezers workshop and get up to all sorts of mad adventures. Hang on! Brum? Brummy? I get it now. Not just because Brum is a car, but he lives in Birmingham. Here is a example off of Youtube...

There is one question that has bothered me since I first watched Brum. Is Brum a man or a woman? I know Brum is a car, so technically we should refer Brum as 'it'. However, I'm sure the target audience of the show would assume Brum to have a gender. Well, unfortunately, I couldn't seem to find a answer. Maybe children don't actually expect Brum to have a gender and it is just me. :/ Feel free to comment if you have any evidence. My comments are open to anyone.

What I do like about Brum is how he gets away with sneaking pass that old geezer every time he goes to his work bench. We the audience can hear its engine brumming away. He must be death in his old age. Another thing I don't understand about Brum is why does Brum have to keep himself a secret from the old geezer when everyone in town knows that he is a living car. Its just out of order. Just because he is a old geezer with alzheimer's, and is probably repainting the same car part at his work bench a different colour every day because he can't remember what colour he decided apon, everyone else sees that as a good enough reason to keep him in the dark. Bear outerz.

He probably does have the old alzheimer's. He always finds a new item in the back seat of Brum and doesn't see a pattern. Alzheimer's is a terrible condition, especially for the people around you. However, for you, I can imagine it not being that bad. Like, you wouldn't have a clue what going on and that your going to die. And life, will literally be full of surprises. Have I gone a bit too far there? Anyway, I guess I wouldn't like to get it. Some alzheimer's awareness woman once told me that the earliest age someone has been diagnosed with alzheimer's was 23. Fuck that shit, I'm going home.

I wouldn't say Brum was my favourite show as a child, it has always been Thomas the Tank Engine. Did you know that Thomas the Tank Engine is the most suitable show for autistic children, due to the different colours, numbers, and simple facial expressions of the trains. I suggest you mention that next time autism is the subject of conversation.

My music recommendation this post will be a special one as I will recommend two albums. The first album of the post is 'Years of Refusal' by Morrissey. Decent tunes and the lyrics are hilarious, full of shit that only Morrissey can come up with. Here are some examples:

“Mama, why did you do it? Mama, who drove you to it? Was it the pigs in gray suits persecuting you? Uncivil servants, unconcerned that's how they frighten you?”

“There's a naked man standing, laughing in your dreams. You know who it is. But you don't like what it means.”

“I was a small, fat child in a council house. There was only one thing I ever dreamed about. And Fate has just Handed it to me – whoopee”

There are plenty more, but these are the ones I can recall at the moment. Seriously though, it is a good album.

I'm sure you will be able to guess what the next album is, since it is one of the most anticipated this month. Furthermore, I presume you can see the album cover before reading this sentence. So... 'Invaders Must Die' by The Prodigy. I only just got it today so only listened to it once, but it is pretty immense. My favourite songs so far are 'Take Me to the Hospital' and 'Run with the Wolves'.

Catch yah on the flipside.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The New Adventures of Jesus

I DID IT! I finally made my own cartoon and you can watch it on Youtube...

I know the quality is shit but it is my first try. It is better than the Snowman one anyway. The Snowman film is unfortunately not available on Youtube any more, so if the upload of it on my blog doesn't work on your computer I'm sorry. However, as I said this is loads better.

I am also sorry about the lateness of my post. I have been busy doing a lot of reading. This includes A Clockwork Orange, which so far is the best book I have ever read.

For Music, I recommend Nine Inch Nail's album 'The Downward Spiral.' It is a bit of a hard album to get into and Trent Reznor can be a tad bit emo sometimes, but if you stick with it, it truly is a brilliant complex album. You should be satisfied.

And my song shall be 'Would?' by Alice in Chains, just because I love them.
It is the first song. The end of it always makes him grunge out. Every time.

My next post will be posted sooner this time, and will have more context to it. I shall leave you with some words from Chris Moyles...

“I'm a fat cunt.”

Cheers Chris.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Horney Snowman. 2

**For some reason my latest post is not working on a number of computers. I believe it was the dodgey uploading of blogger. So, here it is again, but with a link to the video on youtube.**

Because it was snowing in Britain, my university peers and I decided to make a snowman. When finished we decided it looked like a rapist. Well I did anyway. So, came the idea of a short movie of our snowman chatting up a nearby snowman/snow-woman made by some girls. I wouldn't call the movie brilliant, due to the lack of pictures. However, it's a start. You should take into account that the Rapist Snowman is behind the Snow-woman.

My friend Michael supplied the pictures, which meant I had to make it a Trow Production, but once you see the ending I'm sure you will realise that I didn't mind. Even though I made all of it myself on Windows Movie Maker. Windows Movie Maker is actually quite simple. Maybe I shall make a cartoon for all of you to watch. How exciting.

I don't think this post is big enough to have my music selections of the week. Just listen to some Joy Division.

Keep rolling.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Horny Snowman

It was a lovely Saturday lunch time and I was in my local pub, The County Arms, watching Hartlepool and West Ham in the FA Cup fourth round. West Ham won two nil by the way. COME ON YOU IRONS!!! I can feel it in my bones, it is our year to win the FA Cup. Anyway...When at the bar, there was this drunk Scottish bloke watching Rangers and Aberdeen on another TV. He noticed my furry sideburns and decided to talk to me. I've had sideburns since I was fifteen and have stuck with them since. I can recall one period when I shaved them off, but it was very brief. Back to the Scottish bloke, he asked me if knew why sideburns are called sideburns. I said to him that I didn't have a flippin scooby, no idea mate, haven't the foggiest. So he told me, sideburns are called sideburns because back in the old days blokes use to grow them to protect the side of their face, from the sparks made from the gunpowder when shooting a rifle. Pretty neat. I decided to check it out and launch yet another investigation.

What I found out did not match the Scottish blokes tale. Apparently there was this general in the American civil war called Ambrose Everett Burnside who grew them, and they later became known as sideburns. However, I have decided to trust a Scot on this occasion. His story does make sense. Sideburns were around before the American Civil War, they were quite popular for soldiers in the Napoleonic period. Furthermore, if you go into a Scottish National Art Gallery, all the old portraits of Scottish blokes have sideburns. So, he probably knows what hes talking about.

And I now present to you my favourite set of Sideburns.

Its Oliver Reed playing Bill Sykes in Oliver Twist. Look at them motherfuckers. You can just tell instantly that he plays an absolute bastard. I once grew a pair of mutton chops. They were banging. But ridiculous.

Enough of sideburns. This week, I was very keen on purchasing a chess set to up my game. I went into town and the average price for a chess set on the high street is twenty quid. TWENTY QUID! Thats well dear. Instead, I bought one off of ebay for a tenner. Pretty good buy. Entirely made of wood. Here is a picture of a game I played with Flat Eric. Look.

I have totally done him up with the old 'knight fork' technique (I'm white btw). He hasn't got a clue. Biting his nails, wondering what to do next. However, there is nothing he can do. I always beat him. Looking at him now, he probably need a run through the washing machine. Should stop using him as a duster.

Lastly, because I like listening to things, I want to spread my music taste to all of you.

Album of the Post- Santogold, by Santogold. Got some good tunes like L.E.S. Artistes and Creator. Its a very well balanced album. Proper hip.

Song of the Post- Concrete Schoolyard, by Jurassic 5. I'm more of a East Coast guy, but this West shit is nang.

Peace out.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Does Conjoined Twin Myslexia Exist? I Investigate.

When watching the season two South Park episode 'Conjoined Fetus Lady' last weekend, it made me wonder, does Conjoined Twin Myslexia exist? If you are not aware of this, Conjoined Twin Myslexia is a condition where one of the conjoined twins dies in the womb and it's fetus is conjoined to the surviving twins head. Well, that is it to the best of my knowledge. So I went onto Google, turnt the safe search off, and Google imaged it. Have you seen this South Park episode by the way? It's the one when the boys play dodge ball and go to the world championship in China, as well as Nurse Gollum who has Conjoined Twin Myslexia. No? Well watch it then. Those Chinese commentators are jokes. It's the fifth episode of season two. I know the later series are mostly considered better, but season two and three are pretty good to.

I couldn't seem to find a believable picture on Google, so I typed it into Wikipedia and it showed me the page of the South Park episode I mentioned, where it said, “Kyle is horrified to discover, however, that she has a dead fetus attached to her head, due to a (fictional) condition called "Conjoined Twin Myslexia."” So there we have it, it doesn't exist. The creators of South Park made it up. However, I decided to look more into conjoined twins and read about the different types. There is Craniopagus (6% of conjoined twins), where the twins skulls are fused together, and there is Parasitic Twins (10%), where one twin is smaller and less formed. If you mix up them two types of conjoined twins, and if one of them was dead, you kind of get Conjoined Twin Myslexia. You reckon?

Reading more of Conjoined Twins on Wikipeida I found out that the condition is more common among females, on a ratio of 3:1. That sucks for girls, but they do normally have it better than men. Women tend to live longer, mature eariler and don't get colour blindness. These slight disadvantages probably don't even compare with child birth though. Women can easily become electricans as they won't get confused with different colour wires. Why aren't there hardly any female electricans? It doesn't make sense.

Conjoined Twins may not be a very upbeat subject. But to cheer you up even more, here are a few celebrities with Conjoined Twin Myslexia.


Why do I draw these pictures?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I’m in a Blogging Mood Again WHAAAAAAAAAY GO ME!!! (Introduction)

Looking back at my old blog, I realised it’s been nearly two years since my last post.

Two years you say? That’s MAD!

So, I felt a sudden urge to get back on the blog train. Choo choo. I will warn you mind, grammar is not exactly one of my strongest points as I tend to write how I speak. I have bought a grammar book though, which I tend to read soon.

Anyway, here is the new blog...TADAAA! As you could see, and read so far.

I would have continued the old one but I forgot the password, what e-mail I used and other shit like that. It was a lot easier to just start again. If you are wondering what to expect from this blog, I shall give the link to my old one, to give you a general idea. It won’t be exactly the same though, as I aim to improve. However, most likely, it will probably just be the same.

(Sorry I can't make it a link, Blogger is shit like that. Just copy and paste it into the search bar)

And a extra threat, here is a website I made ages ago and quite proud of.

You are probably thinking I am absolutely obsessed with Tom (now called Thom), but that’s the whole point of the site as it’s his fan club. I’m not mental.

I suspect I will make a fresh post sometime next week. Well, I hope I can be bothered to.

All the best, love Tricko.

P.S. Here is a picture of Joseph Stalin I made on Paint.

God! I love Paint.