Saturday, October 30, 2010

Microsoft Paint

Microsoft Paint is totally tits, and you may have realised that I think that if you have gone over my blog before. Thankfully, my brother has set up his own blog that specialises in Paint.

I will be contributing my pictures and you should to. It doesn't matter how crap they are. Just send them to the noted email address on the site. You will notice that my portrait of Jim Branning having a stroke is on there, one of my best. If you put Jim Branning into google images its on the first batch of results. How wicks is that? I should do more portraits of part time soap stars.

I know I haven't posted in a while and this is a pretty weak one considering. But I do have some ideas and will hopefully do a few before Christmas.

I will leave you with some hip hop tunes...

The Black Sheep – The Choice Is Yours (Revisited)

Haiku D'Etat – Non Compos Mentis

Handsome Boy Modeling School – Holy Calamity

Atmosphere – Trying To Find A Balance

Del The Funky Homosapien – Positive Contact

Public Enemy – By The Time I Get To Arizona

Mr. Lif – Phantom

N.W.a – Findum, Fuckum And Flee (Feat. Eazy-E)

You will mostly likely recognise most of them if you are a fan of the Tony Hawks games.

Keep it real


P.S. If you haven't got Spotify.....why haven't you got Spotify?

Friday, August 6, 2010

The New Adventures of Jesus Christ Part 2

Finally I have finished part 2. I apologise for the terrible rap. And sorry for being super late.



Sunday, May 23, 2010

World Cup Predictions

Just a few weeks away for the greatest competition on the planet, and because I have a blog I thought I should share my knowledge with you all.

I know my next entry should have been my new cartoon, but I’m still working on it. Working on paint can be very tedious and I thought doing this will get me back into a typing mood for my end of term essays. Seriously though, most of the cartoon is done and it will be finished.

Group A

South Africa




Being the host nation is a major advantage and the host nation has always made it pass the first round in this competition. Look how well South Korea did in the 2002 world cup, they flipping got to the semi-finals. Who saw that? However, I’m sure this tradition won’t last forever and the best South Africa can do is third place I’m afraid. That’s if they can do better than Uruguay.

Mexico have always been a good side, but has never been up there with the big boys. Good enough though to make it past the group stage with a decent attack and Marquez leading them in defence. Mexico is the only nation to host the World Cup twice btw.

Uruguay are a fairly good team, with star player Diego Forlan playing the best football of his life in recent years and Martin Caceres making quite an impact at Juventus (before injury). However, (it will be tight) Mexico will do one better than them.

France is the clear favourites to top this group with a solid team filled with star players. Most of their goals come from midfield due to strikers such as Thierry Henry playing better for club than country. But I’m sure Gignac will do well as their target man and will attract a lot of attention from clubs, along with Yoann Gourcuff.

France will win the group and will advance with Mexico

Group B



South Korea


Despite their rather weak qualifying campaign I think Argentina will be a force in this World Cup. They were the best team in the last one. They arguably have the best attack in the tournament and Messi will have a brilliant World Cup and will retain his title of FIFA World Player of the Year. Their defence was their downfall during their qualifying campaign and would constantly get fucked by counter attacks. But with the call up of Walter Samuel due to his amazing season at Inter Milan, he will be their rock in the centre. I reckon they won’t win it though because I can’t take Maradona seriously. He is too offensive minded and will most likely be too stubborn with his tactics. Why he never called up Javier Zanetti and Cambiasso I will never know.

Nigeria are not the team they use to be and are no longer the force of Africa. A few stand out players like Yobo, Mikel and Yakubu, but I’m finding it hard to decide whether they are good enough to advance to the knock outs.

South Korea are probably the best team in Asia, but that is not saying much compared with Europe, South America and maybe even Africa. Unfortunately for them I think they are the weakest team in the group, but are capable of making an upset. However, in this case I don’t think it will be a good World Cup for them.

I honestly don’t know what to make of Greece. They had an easy qualifying group and don’t know much about their players. This is the reason why I am finding it difficult to decide who will advance behind Argentina in this group. Greece is the favourites to get the second spot and had some convincing wins in there qualifying campaign. Hmmm?

Argentina (BLOBS) will win the group and second will be....NIGERIA!!! There I said it. I’m taking a risk here, but I can see them doing it. COME ON YOU EAGLES!

Group C





A very convincing qualifying campaign and you can see how much of a difference Capello has made. We look very confident and are one of the favourites to go all the way. Rooney will be the key if we do as he is on his best form. I think Crouch will most likely play alongside him, but Rooney can deal with it himself. Furthermore we have a lot more pace in the team. Shame Beckham will miss the World Cup as he would have been the prefect super sub.

U.S.A. always seems to be improving. They did very well in the Confederation Cup. I guess they are country that is good at what they like due to their population and so many different cultures. And football seems to be getting more popular there.

Have you played 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa? Algeria are the top ranked country on the Online World Cup last time I checked, LOL! Anyway, I don’t think they are good enough to make it to the next round losing out to U.S.A.

Slovenia done really well to beat Russia in the play-offs, but their luck will run out and like Algeria will lose out to U.S.A. It is just a matter of pride between them and Algeria for third place. Apparently they can be quite frustrating.

England will win the group and will advance with U.S.A.

Group D





With Ballack gone Germany’s chances of going all the way are decreased. However, they will still do well. Their squad has a lot of fresh new talent, such as Jerome Boateng and Mesut Ozil, so they will be an interesting team to watch. Germany are very efficient, they are like a machine, and when it comes down to penalty shoot outs you know who will win. I’m sure they will have no problem advancing to the next round.

Australia done very well in the last World Cup and were unlucky to lose to that late penalty against Italy. However, apart from Germany, the other two countries in the group seem to be on par with them, and I think it will be tight with them and Serbia for second place. Other than that, they have a few good players that will shine, most likely going to be Cahill.

Serbia was my dark horse. Unfortunately, the way this World Cup is set out, I can’t see them going the distance. However, they are still going to turn some heads and show the world how good they are with players such as Vidic, Stankovic, and the half an inch taller than Crouch, Zigic. It seems to me that when Serbia and Montenegro split, Serbia got all the good players.

Ghana are a good side, but they will be relying a lot on Essien, the engine of the team. However, it won’t be enough to get them past the second round. Sorry Ghana, this group is too though for you.

Germany will win the group and advance with Serbia.

Group E





Everyone seems to like the Netherlands, and want them to do well. Well, they won’t! Most likely be knocked out in the second round. Brilliant midfield, with players like Sneijder and Robben, but they are lacking decent strikers. Van Persie may have to fill that role since Kuyt and Huntelaar haven’t had good seasons, but Van Persie has missed a lot of the season through injury and will be out of practice. Furthermore they don’t exactly have a strong defence.

There is a lot of talk that Denmark will do really well with a very convincing qualifying campaign, besting Portugal and Sweden. A team with a number of decent players with the likes of Agger and Jon Dahl Tomasson, and I can see them advancing to the next round.

Japan are a team that I don’t know much about. But I’m going to go with my gut and predict that they don’t make it past the group stage. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would agree.

Like Nigeria, Cameron are not the African force they once was. And like Ghana, they are relying on one player, that being Eto’o. They won’t be following their fellow African country Nigeria to the second round.

It is hard to decide which country will top the group, between Netherlands and Denmark, but I’m going to go with Netherlands because they will most likely have a superior goal difference.

Group F



New Zealand


In the last World Cup I thought Italy had the easiest run, and they have a very easy group. The main complaint with Italy is that they have a very old squad and are too defensive. Luca Toni was one of their best players in the last World Cup and I can’t see any of their strikers to have the same presents of him. Probably Rossi, but Luca Toni is the better target man. Other than that, they have a lot of talent and should never be written off.

Paraguay were very convincing during their qualifying campaign, besting the likes of Argentina. It is hard to call who will follow Italy to the next round between them and Slovakia. However, they did beat Brazil during qualifying. Paraguay had tougher competition

Pffft! New Zealand. Like they are going to do well. Best they can hope for is one point.

Like Paraguay, had a good qualifying campaign, but I can’t see them doing better. Best Slovakia can hope for is a draw against Paraguay, but Paraguay will most likely have a better goal difference.

Italy will win the group advancing with Paraguay.

Group G


Korea DPR

Ivory Coast


Brazil are the favourites to win it. They have won it the most time and are the only country to win it outside their continent. Along with Spain, they are brilliant in all areas. With the likes of Julio Cesar and Lucio in defence, and Kaka and Luis Fabiano in attack, they have to be the favourites.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! North Korea are so fucked. They are going to lose all their games and are going to get the Wooden Spoon.

In my opinion Ivory Coast are the most talented team in Africa, shame they are in a group with Brazil and Portugal. It was a shame as well in the last World Cup when they were in a group with Argentina and Netherlands. It is going to be the same story for them, another third place finish.

Portugal without Ronaldo are average. The reason they didn’t win their qualifying group is because Ronaldo was injured for most of it. If he got injured again Ivory Coast would stand a chance of progressing.

Brazil will win the group and advance with Portugal.

Group H





In my opinion, Spain are the best team in the world. They were so impressive during the Euro, something we haven’t seen from them before as they are normally underachievers. Once again, Spain gets a really easy group and should have no problem winning it, especially with the best strike partnership in the world, that being David Villa and Fernando Torres.

Like Greece, Switzerland had a very easy qualifying group, which they won, but they weren’t impressive in the Euros. I think Spain and Chile will be too much for them. They could get second place, but I reckon Chile will top them.

Don’t expect much from Honduras. There wasn’t much competition in their qualifying campaign. Like Japan, I don’t know much about them, but I reckon it is a safe bet that they won’t advance.

Chile will most likely get second place in this group. They finished second in their qualifying group behind Brazil so show some promise, more than Switzerland anyway. West Ham flop Luis Jimenez comes from Chile, and he didn’t make the preliminary squad, LOL!

Spain will win the group and will advance with Chile.

Last 16

France vs. Nigeria

France will win, but Nigeria won’t make it easy.

Argentina vs. Mexico

These two countries play each other again in the second round, and I think it will be the same story. Argentina will win, but it will be tough for them.

England vs. Serbia

This is why I’m no longer backing Serbia to be a dark horse, because I reckon England will keep their cool and win.

Germany vs. U.S.A.

Germany will show those yanks how to play soccer with a convincing win.

Netherlands vs. Paraguay.

This where Netherlands will fail, Paraguay for the win.

Italy vs. Denmark

There could be an upset here, but I reckon Italy will do enough to hold them and win on penalties, or win by a sneaky late goal.

Brazil vs. Chile

Chile will take this game very seriously and have a proper go at them. However, Brazil will just edge it.

Spain vs. Portugal

Ronaldo won’t be able to do enough to topple Spain, comfortable win for Spain.


France vs. England

This will be Rooney’s most clinical performance. He will be all over the French defence, while ours just does enough. England for the win.

Argentina vs. Germany

Germany aren’t as strong as they were in the last World Cup and Argentina will get their revenge.

Paraguay vs. Brazil

Again, a South American rivalry that Paraguay will really go for, but again, Brazil will edge it.

Italy vs. Spain

Spain will show the current champions who the best in Europe are. Spain for the win.


England vs. Brazil

My heart says England, but my head says Brazil. I can’t see us beating them.

Argentina vs. Spain

Spain will be able to maintain their attack, while raping their defence. Spain for the win.

Third Place Play-Off

England vs. Argentina

I can’t see Maradona taking this seriously, while Capello will. England will win third place. W00T!


Brazil vs. Spain

I reckon Spain will lose their bottle. BRAZIL ARE CHAMPIONS!!!

There you have it. I’ve been looking at other predictions and most are all roughly the same apart from a few matches. I don’t expect you to completely agree with it. I’m sure there are a lot of you out there who think Netherlands will do really well and that Serbia and Nigeria won’t make it past the group stage.

Got to now start on Tom’s World Predictions on his piczo site.



Thursday, January 14, 2010


I think everyone is a little obsessive compulsive, just like how everyone is a little bit racist. That may be a shit comparison since racism isn’t a disorder, but what I’m saying is that everyone is something to some scale. For example, whenever I am in a moving car I’m always tempted to open the door. I never do but it is just annoying that it always comes to mind along in other possible dangerous situations. When on the wiki page for OCD I discovered that Argentina had the highest population of OCD sufferers in 2002. Argentina? You think it would be a country with a bigger population like China, India or U.S.A. When looking at the number of famous people who have OCD I came across this website ( Disabled-world? Anyway, it is quite interesting, but my favourite person with OCD (even though he isn’t real) is Monk. Have you ever watched Monk? It’s totally tits. It’s normally on one of the BBC channels during day time TV. He is a detective who notices clues no normal man would do. I declare that Monk is the unofficial king of OCD sufferers, and to honour this I made a picture on paint of him going mental because he fell over and his hands landed in dog shit.

OCD jokes are quite easy to make, but if you want to have a laugh here is a list (in no particular order) of games to play on people who suffer from it. All won’t work on mild OCD sufferers. You could do this on people who suffer with autism, but that may be going too far, I feel this is harsh enough.

  • Ask if they stepped on every step when they went up or down some stairs (this may backfire as they might so obsessive compulsive they actually did, making you look like a proper pillock).
  • Rearrange a number of books/DVD’s/ornaments (etc) in a collection, turning them upside down or back to front (as well as putting different discs in different cases).
  • Do a shit in the middle of their floor.
  • Hide the antibacterial soap dispenser, or replace contents with mayonnaise.
  • Switch the tap knobs and say that you put all the spanners and wrenches in the inside of your pants.
  • When out, constantly ask if they locked the back door, turned the oven off, turned the iron off, etc. Or if you want to be interesting, ask them if they done something they defiantly didn’t do, e.g. “Did you clean the bottom side of your wooden flooring?” When they say no claim that you, and everyone else did.
  • (I will do one for autistics). Shout random orders of numbers in their face. E.g. 56, 8, 308, 92, 6, 4, 7763, 83, 1.2, etc.
  • Run around in front of them while holding scissors while singing “I’m the Scissor King and you have OCD” (may backfire).
  • Tell them gross facts, such as the average bed contains ten million dust mites, or that the average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime.
  • Start a game of ‘ad’ (‘it’ to Americans) and always insist you are ‘it’ while constantly tapping them.
  • Have a tickle fight.
  • Tell them that you don’t believe in soap, and then start touching their face.
  • (If you want to be really harsh) convince them that their notions are incorrect and completely unacceptable in reality and that they should do something about it in order to stop embarrassing themselves as well as everyone around them. Followed by handing them a knife or a loaded gun and telling them that they are hated by everyone for what they are.

Would probably leave the last one for someone you really hate. REALLY hate.

A lot of people I know don’t seem to use Twitter anymore. So, since it isn’t as cool as everybody thought it was I’ve decided to join. You can hear (read) my tweets at

There is an OCD joke on there that I would like to take credit for, but I’m sure others have thought of it already. I will most likely get bored of Twitter myself soon enough. Follow me anyway.

Next post will be next month and will have the new episode of ‘The New Adventures of Jesus Christ’, I promise.



P.S. Yes I have updated Toms Fan Club. In which country is he having a crazy adventure in this time?

Only one way to find out.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Super Mario Bros. Wii.

This game is probably one of the best games to come out this year. I fucking love Mario, he seriously can’t do wrong. Within the past year Nintendo have released Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mario Kart Wii, and now this. But with this game Mario has gone back to basics with new and old elements from other side scrolling Mario games such as Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World and Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. New Super Mario Bros did offer this before hand on the Nintendo DS, but now it is offered on a console, which is always better. I grew up with these games. Nintendo basically taught me how to read. I remember when my brother and I were bought Super Mario All-Stars and I can honestly sathat I played and raped it for nearly a year as it offered all the Mario games from the Nintendo Entertainment System that was a generation behind us. I consider myself as an old skool gamer because I know a lot of people who only really got into gaming with consoles like the Playstation and N64, while I started in the 16-Bit era. Playstation and now even the Xbox can be considered better these days, but for people who loved and played Nintendo games, they just get a sense of loyalty for Nintendo.

As usual, you run and jump your way through eight worlds while stomping on enemies, going down pipes and collecting power ups. Power ups have always been a big part of the Mario games and they have really paid attention to it with power ups such as the Ice Flower that is just like the Fire Flower but you shoot ice balls that freeze your enemies rather than fire balls; Penguin Suit that lets you shoot ice balls, improves your swimming ability, as well as walk steadily and slide on ice; and the Propeller Mushroom that is arguably the most useful power up in the game as it lets you fly up in the air and slowly land while avoiding many obstacles. Two power ups that I sorely miss and I think at least one should have been included are the Raccoon Suit and the Boot from Super Mario Bros. 3.

The Raccoon suit was a improvement from the Leaf that gave you raccoon ears and a tail that let you fly for a short amount of time when you ran fast enough. But with the suit if you held down the jump/run (I can’t remember which one) button while ducking Mario would turn into a statue for a short amount of time while letting enemies walk past him. Not much of an improvement but I just love seeing Mario in that suit. And the Boot that was only available in one level (why?) that let Mario hop along on anything and stomp on anything. Nothing could pierce through the sole of the Boot. Expect lava I assume as the level the Boot was available on didn’t have any.

Multiplayer is a big aspect of this game, letting you play with four people on the same screen, which is rare for a side scrolling game. However, it relies on a lot of team work as players can obstruct each other. Furthermore, you cannot help the urge but to compete and kill each other. You will find yourself and others running towards the goal while making the screen push players down holes and squashing them into walls; collecting power ups that other players needed more; and picking up players and throwing them into holes and spikes. The game offers unlimited continues so it isn’t all that bad.

I do have some criticism about that game however. First is the controller. The game suggests you to use the Wii remote at its side, forcing your thumb at a horizontal position. It is less awkward with the old style of controls used to the other side scrolling games. Like the Super Nintendo Entertainment System controller for example.

It is hard to explain but it is just easier to have your thumb at that angle while you hold down and run button with the tip of your thumb and press the jump button with the joint. It feels more comfortable. You are better off using the nunchuck for virtual controller. My other criticism is the difficulty. It is too easy to complete (excluding full completion such as collecting all the star coin and getting to the alternative goals), unless you are a total noob. I got a maximum of ninety-nine lives by level five. If you get ninety-nine by the way Mario doesn’t wear his hat.

That is all I have to say about the game without giving too much away. If you are not actually that interested in games and Mario this could have been a waste of time for you. You should have just gone and fucked yourself instead.

For my next post, I’m hoping to include a new episode of The New Adventure of Jesus Christ. This one I am hoping to be a lot better as I am taking time with my animation and editing. It also has a script so there is more effort put into it. I was planning to have it done just before Christmas but it may take longer. So I leave you with a link to Tom’s Fan Club that has defiantly been updated this time. Just check his Brand New Super Adventures.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pipe Smoking.

But first, a picture of Jim Branning from Eastenders having a stroke.

One of the better paint portraits I have created. Maybe I could take my laptop to Covent Garden and draw pictures of people for a few bob. That’s if they don’t mind sitting there for half an hour or more. Depending on how wrinkled their face is. No oldies, it would slow down business.

Now to the main subject, and that is that I have recently decided that pipe smoking is so un-cool that it is actually cool, like Jarvis Cocker. So I’m going to try and bring it back into fashion, and hopefully not fail where I have in the past with yo-yo’s, jiving and chewing a cocktail sick while not playing a card game.

Here are modern historical figures smoking their pipes, the father of modern physics Albert Einstein and the second General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and paranoid arsehole Joseph Stalin. Einstein can be considered cool, in some geeky novelty way I guess. And communism is cool even though it hardly ever works in the long run and can be quite outers. During my A-Levels I done an independent study on how important Lenin was during the Russian Revolution and found out that Stalin was quite committed to the cause. He robbed banks to fund the cause and spend some time in Siberia. However, he did kill more people than Hitler.

If you are interested in this soon to be hip hobby, then you will need to follow these instructions.

1.Get yourself a Pipe.

I got mine from some shitty stall at Dagenham Heathway for about £6 about over a year ago. You could get a nice one from a proper tobacconist that fuck that cause it is like £20. I was thinking of buying a new one off of ebay as my pipe has gotten quite grotty. I saw some going for under a fiver which seems quite reasonable.

2.The Tobacco.

You can get specific tobacco for pipes but I find Golden Virginia to be acceptable. A pipe connoisseur would most likely disagree. And remember, you must fluff the tobacco when placing it in the blow as it will burn better. I think.


You should use matches but you have to be a pro to get it fully alight. Just use a lighter. Screw it, it’s not like you want to get properly committed.

4.Smoking it.

Remember to not inhale too slowly as this will result in relighting it. Just take your time looking cool.

There are a number of drawbacks to having a pipe and that is cleaning it as they sink once you use it enough times. You will also start to taste ash in the stem. You will have to clean it regularly. recommend the following, but I will give my alternatives.

  • Tapered Pipe Cleaners-Those shitty pipe cleaners from shops.
  • Bristle Pipe Cleaners-Above.
  • Regular or extra fluffy pipe cleaners-Yeah them.
  • Pipe sweetener or grain alcohol-Cheap gin.
  • Shank brush or cotton swab-Cotton swab.
  • Pipe reamer-?
  • Pipe tool or pick-Cocktail stick (do not chew after picking).

Now you are ready to take up the pipe. I suspect over 50% of smokers to have one by the New Year. Not really! About 20%.

Stay tuned for another whacky post.


P.S. Thom’s Fan Club hasn’t been updated right at this moment, but it will by tomorrow.

P.P.S. I don't know why the font for the bullet points is different. Don't worry about it.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Tom’s New and Improved Website is BACK!

It is about time that I update my blog. I was planning to over the summer but I had a lot of shit going down. Such as travelling across Europe and finishing some overdue essays. I also had some other projects in mind but couldn’t be bothered. I am now though. However, before I write an official entry I got word from my friend Tom to edit his piczo site again and there was no way I was passing that opportunity.

If you are unaware of Tom’s New and Improved Website, I will give you the low down. Tom is a self absorbing ego maniac who lives in Gidea Park with Handy Andy from Changing Rooms, who he found hibernating in his next door neighbours garden, who is the musician and music maverick Beck. Tom has been on many adventures such as the time he helped out Girls Aloud; saving many lives from an escaped crocodile at the zoo; giving one of his many kidneys to Handy Andy in his time of need; curing the common cold; starting a Sunday League team with a bunch of South American children with Handy Andy; and making many music collaborations with Beck and the Pet Shop Boys. Tom has the uncanny ability to make the exact same facial expression in all his pictures. He also has been sporting the exact same haircut for donkey’s years.