Sunday, November 29, 2009

Super Mario Bros. Wii.

This game is probably one of the best games to come out this year. I fucking love Mario, he seriously can’t do wrong. Within the past year Nintendo have released Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mario Kart Wii, and now this. But with this game Mario has gone back to basics with new and old elements from other side scrolling Mario games such as Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World and Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. New Super Mario Bros did offer this before hand on the Nintendo DS, but now it is offered on a console, which is always better. I grew up with these games. Nintendo basically taught me how to read. I remember when my brother and I were bought Super Mario All-Stars and I can honestly sathat I played and raped it for nearly a year as it offered all the Mario games from the Nintendo Entertainment System that was a generation behind us. I consider myself as an old skool gamer because I know a lot of people who only really got into gaming with consoles like the Playstation and N64, while I started in the 16-Bit era. Playstation and now even the Xbox can be considered better these days, but for people who loved and played Nintendo games, they just get a sense of loyalty for Nintendo.

As usual, you run and jump your way through eight worlds while stomping on enemies, going down pipes and collecting power ups. Power ups have always been a big part of the Mario games and they have really paid attention to it with power ups such as the Ice Flower that is just like the Fire Flower but you shoot ice balls that freeze your enemies rather than fire balls; Penguin Suit that lets you shoot ice balls, improves your swimming ability, as well as walk steadily and slide on ice; and the Propeller Mushroom that is arguably the most useful power up in the game as it lets you fly up in the air and slowly land while avoiding many obstacles. Two power ups that I sorely miss and I think at least one should have been included are the Raccoon Suit and the Boot from Super Mario Bros. 3.

The Raccoon suit was a improvement from the Leaf that gave you raccoon ears and a tail that let you fly for a short amount of time when you ran fast enough. But with the suit if you held down the jump/run (I can’t remember which one) button while ducking Mario would turn into a statue for a short amount of time while letting enemies walk past him. Not much of an improvement but I just love seeing Mario in that suit. And the Boot that was only available in one level (why?) that let Mario hop along on anything and stomp on anything. Nothing could pierce through the sole of the Boot. Expect lava I assume as the level the Boot was available on didn’t have any.

Multiplayer is a big aspect of this game, letting you play with four people on the same screen, which is rare for a side scrolling game. However, it relies on a lot of team work as players can obstruct each other. Furthermore, you cannot help the urge but to compete and kill each other. You will find yourself and others running towards the goal while making the screen push players down holes and squashing them into walls; collecting power ups that other players needed more; and picking up players and throwing them into holes and spikes. The game offers unlimited continues so it isn’t all that bad.

I do have some criticism about that game however. First is the controller. The game suggests you to use the Wii remote at its side, forcing your thumb at a horizontal position. It is less awkward with the old style of controls used to the other side scrolling games. Like the Super Nintendo Entertainment System controller for example.

It is hard to explain but it is just easier to have your thumb at that angle while you hold down and run button with the tip of your thumb and press the jump button with the joint. It feels more comfortable. You are better off using the nunchuck for virtual controller. My other criticism is the difficulty. It is too easy to complete (excluding full completion such as collecting all the star coin and getting to the alternative goals), unless you are a total noob. I got a maximum of ninety-nine lives by level five. If you get ninety-nine by the way Mario doesn’t wear his hat.

That is all I have to say about the game without giving too much away. If you are not actually that interested in games and Mario this could have been a waste of time for you. You should have just gone and fucked yourself instead.

For my next post, I’m hoping to include a new episode of The New Adventure of Jesus Christ. This one I am hoping to be a lot better as I am taking time with my animation and editing. It also has a script so there is more effort put into it. I was planning to have it done just before Christmas but it may take longer. So I leave you with a link to Tom’s Fan Club that has defiantly been updated this time. Just check his Brand New Super Adventures.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pipe Smoking.

But first, a picture of Jim Branning from Eastenders having a stroke.

One of the better paint portraits I have created. Maybe I could take my laptop to Covent Garden and draw pictures of people for a few bob. That’s if they don’t mind sitting there for half an hour or more. Depending on how wrinkled their face is. No oldies, it would slow down business.

Now to the main subject, and that is that I have recently decided that pipe smoking is so un-cool that it is actually cool, like Jarvis Cocker. So I’m going to try and bring it back into fashion, and hopefully not fail where I have in the past with yo-yo’s, jiving and chewing a cocktail sick while not playing a card game.

Here are modern historical figures smoking their pipes, the father of modern physics Albert Einstein and the second General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and paranoid arsehole Joseph Stalin. Einstein can be considered cool, in some geeky novelty way I guess. And communism is cool even though it hardly ever works in the long run and can be quite outers. During my A-Levels I done an independent study on how important Lenin was during the Russian Revolution and found out that Stalin was quite committed to the cause. He robbed banks to fund the cause and spend some time in Siberia. However, he did kill more people than Hitler.

If you are interested in this soon to be hip hobby, then you will need to follow these instructions.

1.Get yourself a Pipe.

I got mine from some shitty stall at Dagenham Heathway for about £6 about over a year ago. You could get a nice one from a proper tobacconist that fuck that cause it is like £20. I was thinking of buying a new one off of ebay as my pipe has gotten quite grotty. I saw some going for under a fiver which seems quite reasonable.

2.The Tobacco.

You can get specific tobacco for pipes but I find Golden Virginia to be acceptable. A pipe connoisseur would most likely disagree. And remember, you must fluff the tobacco when placing it in the blow as it will burn better. I think.


You should use matches but you have to be a pro to get it fully alight. Just use a lighter. Screw it, it’s not like you want to get properly committed.

4.Smoking it.

Remember to not inhale too slowly as this will result in relighting it. Just take your time looking cool.

There are a number of drawbacks to having a pipe and that is cleaning it as they sink once you use it enough times. You will also start to taste ash in the stem. You will have to clean it regularly. recommend the following, but I will give my alternatives.

  • Tapered Pipe Cleaners-Those shitty pipe cleaners from shops.
  • Bristle Pipe Cleaners-Above.
  • Regular or extra fluffy pipe cleaners-Yeah them.
  • Pipe sweetener or grain alcohol-Cheap gin.
  • Shank brush or cotton swab-Cotton swab.
  • Pipe reamer-?
  • Pipe tool or pick-Cocktail stick (do not chew after picking).

Now you are ready to take up the pipe. I suspect over 50% of smokers to have one by the New Year. Not really! About 20%.

Stay tuned for another whacky post.


P.S. Thom’s Fan Club hasn’t been updated right at this moment, but it will by tomorrow.

P.P.S. I don't know why the font for the bullet points is different. Don't worry about it.